Leap On, Soul Sister

photo credit: Camdiluv ♥ via photopin cc

photo credit: Camdiluv ♥ via photopin cc

Very few people read my post last week about my boots. If blog posts were measured in terms of sound, this one would’ve registered off-the-charts crickets. And that’s ok. I wrote it because I had to. I felt an overwhelming sense that I had blown it when God asked me to do something. It was one of those experiences when you hope your failure encourages someone else so they don’t feel so alone. Or like a mess. Or at least that they don’t feel so alone in their mess.

I kind of bummed my way through last week. Nothing was wrong but I just felt heavy. I looked around, wondering if I was going to say “no” to God with other things–things that were more important than silly polka dot boots. Wondering what He was going to ask of me and how I might just panic again.

But nothing happened. As we went into another store that week, I told my mom (joking on the outside but serious as a heart attack on the inside) that I wondered what God was going to ask me to give away this time. I felt relief when she told me to come find her if I felt compelled to give away any other articles of clothing and she’d be there to back me up. So, off I went, and I was not beckoned to share anything. For that, I was grateful.

I also heard from my wonderful mother-in-law and a dear friend in Buffalo and a friend from church. A few good people shared their similar experiences–both failures in obedience and some successes. I felt lighter. We really are never alone on this journey, are we?

And on Sunday morning, I woke up to these words from one of my soul sisters:

I wanted to say that I read your post about the boots the other day. We sang a song at small group fellowship that made me think of you and your boots: (from Oh How He Loves Us“We are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If His grace was an ocean, we’re all sinking. And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, And my heart turns violently inside my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about the way He Loves us.” It just struck me how sometimes the lesson of opportunity lost is more powerful than the actual action. Anyway–I wanted to speak freedom and grace inside His love and care into you.

Oh, how much those words meant to me. A little more of the heaviness lifted.

I then looked back at the week, meditating on how much “nothing” had happened since the boot incident. I realized “nothing” was not an accurate description at all. My team met with our foster care partners for our church ministry and put dates on the calendar to begin the journey. My husband and I marked in our own personal calendars when we were going to train to become foster parents ourselves. We continued talks on expanding our family and how we both felt God calling us to parent more than just our three. Nothing? No, no. Everything.

In terms of taking leaps of faith, I did blow it with the boots. I’m probably going to do it a hundred times more. But I’m not going to blow it with caring for the fatherless. In fact, I’m already mid-leap and I’m not alone.

Amazingly, it doesn’t feel heavy or sad or scary. It feels glorious, like flying.