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All Alone, in the Dark

All Alone, in the Dark

photo credit: Inter.rs via photopin cc

photo credit: Inter.rs via photopin cc

It was somewhere in the late evening hours, after cleaning up a miserable child’s vomit, that I started questioning our decision to add to our family. Not seriously, mind you. Just the kind of wondering that occurs in the midst of puke and crying and germs and exhaustion and it seems a little crazy to add more potential receivers or carriers into the mix. Could one or more fit into this puzzle of chaos? Who would want to–especially on a night like this?

All these thoughts hung low, like a fog, circling around as I went through the motions of cleanup and comforting.

It was finally when I was tucking the child in, spent and trembling from a fever and unhappiness, that he said it.

“What?” I couldn’t hear the small voice. Under covers and near sleep.

“I like when you take care of me.”

I was speechless. “Of course I am going to take care of you–it’s my job!” I wanted to say. Or “I love you. It’s what I do! I couldn’t NOT do it if I tried.” Or “That’s what mamas are for! All this stuff–the gross and hard and scary stuff!” All of it true but somehow missing the real point. I’m there because I’m called. I’m there to teach about the One who calls.

As I lingered over the child, leaving one last touch on his arm, I realized there are kids all over this planet, all over our countysitting in the dark, alone, missing something excruciatingly important. Kids who don’t have mamas to lay hands on their backs while they suffer, praying over their little bodies, storming the gates of heaven on their behalf. There are kids who don’t have someone who feels their cheek to see how warm they’ve become, to measure their progress, or to kiss their sweaty little heads as they lay in their hot mess.

My heart beat a little faster as I stood next to the bed, realizing the magnitude of the moment. I’m here. And the child knows it. But he also knows the One who holds us both.

In the dark, alone, he knows he’s not really alone. Isn’t that what we mamas want to be teaching our children? When he hurts, the darkness may feel frightening. When he trembles, his body may feel near the end. Yes, there are my hands who help him. But then there are Hands, one on each side of him, gentle pressure on the skin that holds in his soul. Loving, walking and guiding him through. He can count on that, even when my hands are not there.

That’s what I’m teaching him. That.

And as for the fog, it blew over. It didn’t have time to linger long. It burned off, thanks to the Son.



  1. Hello! New to your blog and love it! Can’t wait to read more!

    Ashley from This Southern Girl’s Heart

  2. What great insight! I’m glad you are there to take care of them too but even more thankful that you are teaching them about God in a way that He is so real to them.And I can understand why God would want to put more children in your life…..

  3. Katie, I really loved reading this post. It touched my mama heart as I’ve been in that moment of having the sick child and realizing that even in their illness we/I am unbelievably blessed and God is always present with His mighty hand holding us. (shared this on my fan page!)

  4. I’ve been there with my own daughter. What an awesome privilege we have as moms to walk with our kids through all of life…to take their little hands and lead them to the One WHo will hold their hands forever.

  5. By the way, I found your blog via Rosann’s Facebook page.


  1. #Again? says:

    […] After the umpteenth time of consoling and comforting, cleaning and tucking, the little weak voice spoke out. Echoes of his brother. […]

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